Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
