I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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