I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
