Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
