We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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