he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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