My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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