She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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