he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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