I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
