My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
