Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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