holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
