Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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