Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
