Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it's great music for shaving your balls
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize