I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish i was in the wii world.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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