hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
