Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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