Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
