So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
