Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
