You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
