i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
