Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
