First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
