I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
