I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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