cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
