is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
