Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
