I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he shaved USA in his pubs
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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