So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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