You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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