i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
