then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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