the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
