oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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