dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
