She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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