Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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