where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Blood and glitter go together right?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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