i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
