Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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