One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
