the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
