I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
bring money and cleavage
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Someone shattered a urinal.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
