Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
