The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
