You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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