If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
