i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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