halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
