Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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