Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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