Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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