Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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