I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
