I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
