bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
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