Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
