marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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