I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
