Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
