Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
