he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
