i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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