I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
