I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Im part way to drunk.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
